This is one of the most important skills for a leader to develop and significantly impacts the culture of your practice.

Firstly, it provides a level of motivation for people when they receive honest, positive feedback. Secondly, honest conversations around something that has gone wrong provide real opportunity for people to learn and grow. Thirdly, it is crucial for ensuring that values are reinforced and lived and strategies are followed. Fourthly, it prevents an eruption inside the leader when dissatisfaction is kept within the person. Finally, if there is a problem that is not addressed this problem will only get worse and have more of a negative impact….Overall it keeps everybody and everything heading in one direction.

Let’s start with a few principles. Firstly, the type of honest conversations you are having need to be balanced between positive and negative. I personally think it is preferable to have separate conversations, otherwise people tend to miss the positive if you put it in a conversation with something negative and feel that you are saying this to soften the blow. I also believe that a separate conversation around something positive is a rare thing and has great impact on individuals, even those who say they don’t need praise. So, how often do you have a conversation with someone that specifically calls out a great thing or behaviours that they showed? Before you say that I haven’t seen anything, then I challenge you to change the lens through which you are looking to notice when you see something positive from an individual. If you really never see anything good from an individual, then that is a different conversation that is required….On the contrary, what things have you noticed recently that have a really negative effect on the practice? Have you had a conversation with that person about it? Leaders tend to either only do the positive or only do the negative. The best leaders do both regularly with real sincerity and empathy.

The second principle is to have the conversation as soon as possible after the event. Do not let it fester inside you and do not let it slide otherwise it will probably be forgotten by some. The only counter to this is when it creates such an extreme emotional response in you that you need to be in a better emotional state to have a productive conversation about it, so it is better to remove yourself for a short period and be in a better emotional state to have that conversation. Otherwise do it as soon after the event as possible.

The third principle is to be as empathetic as possible in these conversations. In negative conversations I feel that sometimes people want to be harsh and difficult in their tone and their ability to listen to the other person so that they ‘put them in their place’. This doesn’t provide for a constructive conversation. It makes the individual feel even more like they are being told off as if they are a child and this will lead to a child like response. Show empathy and want to understand.

The fourth principle. People are the majority of time doing the best they can do at that moment. Seek to understand the problem….

Principle five. Clear is kind, unclear is unkind. Sometimes we think that skirting around the subject will soften the blow. It doesn’t and only leads to frustration and actually makes the situation worse if the individual doesn’t understand what you are trying to say. You must be able to clearly articulate the issue and relate it specifically to a witnessed situation or example If you cannot then do not give the feedback as you don’t really know what the issue is.

Principle six. Make it about the behaviour or situation, not about the person. You want to talk about the behaviour or situation, not the person. This will allow for a constructive conversation and will avoid the individual becoming very defensive.

I would then suggest following the below structure for conversations about a problem or issue:

• Describe to the person the specific event or situation that you saw or heard. Only talk about what you observed or noticed. E.g. what I observed was, what I noticed was…
• Talk about the impact of this behaviour or situation. Not saying you always do this or you are that, which is an attack on them as a person and will elicit a very defensive response but talking about the impact on the practice and how that made you feel.
• Ask for their perspective and genuinely want to listen to their response and understand more. I wondered what your perspective was on this? What can we learn from this so that we avoid this again in the future? These types of questions. Lean into the conversation and discomfort to explore it with the individual.
• Work out a way forward together to which you both commit and agree.

It is possible and likely that there will be an emotional response and some upset. The purpose of approaching these conversations as above is not to avoid upset or an emotional response, but to try and ensure you can enter into a constructive dialogue to figure out a way forward.

The structure for a conversation about something great is pretty much the same. Remember again to be specific and articulate the exact behaviour, of course adding in a big thank you and note of appreciation. Doing this rather than a generic ‘good job’ is way more impactful.

This is a great example of a skill which improves with practice. The only way is to get out there and do it. The more you do it the easier it becomes.

When was the last time you gave somebody some stand alone, specific and positive feedback?

What are you not addressing with somebody that needs to be addressed?